Dear God,
I’ve been in love with a guy for two years. He’s not with me now but we were together for 6 months and things were very weird because I always felt that there was someone else watching us. As the result of that feeling I kept a wall between us (even though I die to tell him I love him everyday!!!). We eventually broke up but it hasn’t ended for me. I know it’s been two years…but every time I get the chance to see him I fall in love with him all over again. But to make things worst, I have a new boyfriend. I feel so sad about what I’m doing to him. I know I’m not the first one in this situation.What should I do God? Really…I get physically and mentally tired just to think of it. I’ve cried millions of tears. I try to tell myself everyday…”You don’t love him anymore…move on”. Should I just give up and let it die?
Ana, Somewhere
Dear God,
I am so tired. Tired of failing. Tired of trying. Tired of wanting to be different than I am. Why am I an addict? Why do I consistently seek to numb myself, to eradicate any pain, real or imagined? Why do I seem to demand a life that is free of pain? Help me to embrace life as it is, even when it hurts. Even when it’s scary as hell. Even when there’s a damn good chance that I will fail . . . again. People tell me that you love me just as I am. If that’s so, then why is it so damn hard for me to trust You? Why do I insist on living as if You don’t exist or at least matter? Help me God. I need rest. I need peace. I don’t know how much longer I can do this. Derzu Sylizias, Seattle,USAThe reason god knows everything you do, is because god IS you! It’s a joke. Don’t you get it?
Dane, Brisbane/AustraliaSteven, Dallas/USA
Dear God,
I have a recurring dream, where I’m lying on my back on the grass, looking at a starry night sky. it is very peaceful, and then I hear a voice. then for a moment, I understand the meaning of life and why I am here. Then i wake up. Once I wake up, I forget the meaning of life. This is such an accurate reflection of my life. I am living in an illusion, and just as I see the meaning, it disappears. I cant take this anymore. The meaning of life is a life of meaning, but what is the meaning? Please help me.
Johnnie, Sydney/Australia
A. Girlsomewhere, Colorado/USA
Dear God,
I am sorry for watching porn. I really am.This is just something that is really hard for me to give up right now.
Please don’t stop loving me. I don’t want to be punished anymore. My family and I can’t take it.
Cat Von D, Chicago/USA
Dear God,
I pray because I’m lost.
I am from a small Aussie town. I went to boarding school as a child where, after a few years, began to be sexually abused by a teacher. I mentally tortured myself and wanted to die for years but finally told my family who will do anything to help me. I don’t know if I was confused before, but ever since the abuse I have been in a sexuality crisis. Now I am 25 and don’t know what or who am I am and live in constant guilt that if I was to go one way, I will be going against God. I have lost my faith in the church but haven’t lost my faith in God. I don’t think the Church and its institutions represent God and this is my only comfort. I research the Church and sexuality and the hypocrisy and arguments only fuel my confusion and anger. I try and rationalise how I feel but nothing helps. I take massive amounts of anti-depressants and sleeping tablets every night and then every day, stroll into work like nothing’s wrong.
Only a few of my closest friends know all of this and I want to run away to another country and start again. Sometimes I wonder if God did all this to test me, to see what sort of man I could become and to test my strength. Sometimes I think everything I’m doing is against God and my life will be judged severely. I moved to the city after boarding school where I felt no one would know me or judge me. I work in a very liberal industry but this doesn’t seem to bring me comfort.
I want to return home and help my Dad in the family business but feel that I would bring shame on the family if I did eventually decide that I was gay not straight. Everyone in town probably thinks it anyway so am I really saving anyone any embarrassment by living away? My family knows that I’m really confused and am struggling and are totally supportive. I just don’t want to embarrass them in a fundamentalist Christian town where everyone would judge my family and I. I loathe the thought of my very proud and traditional school finding out everything and thinking I am the one to blame or that I am an embarrassment to them. Even if they don’t know about the abuse, I hate the thought of all the other students finding out and taking delight in knowing their taunts of ‘faggot’ were accurate. I feel I’ve lost connection with my hometown because of all this and I feel I have no home and forever am lost and transient.
I wonder if the confusion, pain and problems will ever go away or whether I will end up sad, alone and angry. Am I being self absorbed and spoilt? Or do you feel my prayers are needed? I feel I can’t trust the church or its interpretations of Jesus. I feel like I am a disappointment in the Church’s eyes but hope, whomever I become, I won’t be a disappointment to Jesus. I wish I was stronger. I wish I could just stand up, grow up and get over it. It doesn’t seem that easy though. Please hear my prayers and guide me.
J - AustraliaDear God,
I wake up every day (well almost) knowing how lucky I am to be alive. I was born with a heart condition that, at the time, was little known and the surgery was difficult to survive. I know something drove my mother to the hospital on all four occasions to get me help (the first three she was turned away- they said I was fine). It must have been a higher power that guided the surgeons fingers when I died on the operating table and he had to pump my little heart back to life with two of his fingers. I survived, fully intact and continue to thrive into adulthood. While some of my peers died without a proper diagnoses, or on the operating table, some made it out of surgery but as shells of their former selves but I am perfectly healthy (except for the annual cardiology appointments). So what was it all for- why am I one of the few who lived? Should I be doing more with my life? Or was it all just luck? I think of all the ones who didn’t survive, the parents who lost their babies and wonder if my life would make them proud. Special, San Diego, Ca, USADear God,
Something isn’t right. I always feel so close to just passing out or just lashing out at people around me. I’m exhausted. This is too much for me. It’s a very unstable balance. My life is held together by tiny threads. Every day is the same. I get up at 5:30am. I drink a diet coke and go to school. I go to class and try to stay awake until 12:30. Then I eat a piece of string cheese, 3 crackers, and another diet coke. I leave school and go to rehearsal for 3 hours. I come home and run a mile or two on my treadmill. Then I do homework as late as it takes. Usually I’m in bed around 1am. If anything is thrown off— if I get 3 hours of sleep instead of 4— if I forget my diet coke, I fall apart. I passed out at school once because I didn’t have enough sleep/caffeine. The weight isn’t entirely gone. I’m 40 pounds thinner than I was, but I’m still not skin and bones. And there is no one that will realize I’m not healthy. The physical stuff isn’t nearly as bad as what’s going on with me emotionally. I will always resent my parents for not noticing how unhealthy I am. They ask me what’s wrong or why I look so anxious. They forget that I’ve struggled with an anxiety disorder my entire life. They forget that I’m obsessive compulsive. There is nothing worse than having those closest to you forget or ignore something like that. They ask me, why do you have to do that in sets of 7? Because I’m fucking obsessive compulsive. I have been my whole life. You took me to the doctor when I was four because I wouldn’t leave the grocery store until I had walked down each isle 7 times. You still ask why I do things 7 times. Are you my mother or a fucking stranger? Jesus fucking christ. I can’t take this much longer. I’m so sick of no one noticing that I don’t eat or that I am having a nervous collapse. They think I’m fine because I’m always with friends and because I’m thin and they think that means everything is not good. I am falling apart. I am begging my mother to notice. She never will. Even if I tell her, I’m not OK, I need help, she says, “i don’t know what to do,” I love her, but I will always resent her for letting me live with these issues and not doing shit to help me. Teressa, Los Angeles/USADear God.
I am a short, weak-looking woman. But I once assaulted a young teen- aged boy who threw an apple at my car. I drove down an alley after him really fast, stopped and jumped out and chased him down. I cornered him in by a fence and pushed him down. I kicked him a few times in the abdomen and arm while he was down. Then I got in my car and drove away. I was a wreck about it for months. It spurred me to go to counseling for my “anger” but I never did tell the counselor this story. The shoes I wore that day, I had to throw them out soon after-I couldn’t look at them. At the time, it didn’t seem that I hurt him very much (He got right up). But I sometimes imagine that maybe it was worse than I remember. I think of that movie “Short Cuts” where the little boy died after Lilly Tomlin hit him with her car and she goes on with her life oblivious…I wonder where that kid is now. This is the only secret I keep from my husband. It is the only thing in my life I am ashamed of.
Lyn, Brooklyn,NYC/USA
Dear God,
Madonna is stalking me. I lost my virginity to ‘Like A Virgin’ in the back of my boyfriends pick up truck at 16, and six weeks later I had to tell my Italian father that I was pregnant whilst MTV was blaring ‘Papa Don’t Preach’ in the background. At 18, I lost my faith in religion about the same time Madonna was burning crucifixes, and tried to recreate the sentiment by putting my rosary beads in the microwave. It lacked the drama and ruined my mums microwave. At 22, I got lost for two days in the snow whilst on a skiing holiday and the only thing that kept me alive was playing ‘Frozen’ on repeat whilst hypothermia set in. Finally, last night my new boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, whilst Madonna’s ‘4 Minutes ‘ played on the radio. He came in just under 3 and a half. I know she is in my life for a reason, I am just not sure why. Please send me a sign, preferably before her next single is released. Thanks G, Sarina Del-Vecchio, Sydney/Australia.Dear Universe,
I write you this letter in part, on behalf of the millions of people on this planet who will never have the opportunity to write a letter at all, let alone a letter to you, and also in part for my own curiosity. It is innate human behavior to understand our reason for existing. I think this is one of our most common of all questions. Many people search for this truth through various religions and beliefs. Others spend their lives looking for these answers through scientific means. I was recently introduced to the idea that God and the universe may in fact, be one and the same. My dearest Universe, is this possible? In my goal to understand the truth in all things, I have come up short. The quest for truth through Religion seems immeasurably long and possibly unending. Universe, does this sound familiar to you? Even contemplating your vast, infinite nature seems futile. Since your secrets are limitless, how could we ever come to know them all? You seem to have commonalities with God, so I come to you with my questions.Should we continue our search outward, through religion and science, for the answer to our most basic question? Maybe the only truth we can ever truly understand is our own. By searching inward, is it possible to find the answers we seek?
You know, I think just by asking you this question, I have the answer I need. So take your time in responding.
Craig from Newfoundland
Dear God,
I sometimes feel that our relationship is one sided. Lately I’ve been feeling as though you have given up on me and have left me to drown in a sea of problems. I have always had faith in you, but I’m not sure that your on duty. I have had faith in you through my good as well as my bad but now I’m not sure you care enough to help those that are deserving of your help. Please come back!!!Neesh, Boston/USA
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3 comentarii:
God, reading this site makes me so sad for this depraved world. Even the point of the site is depraved. It's about making people feel better instead of glorifying You, the all-powerful Comforter.
Please comfort all these poor, lost people. Show them their helplessness without You. Show them the only way is through Christ, who has covered all of their sins and frees them if they are one of your children. Please bring them to You, Lord. Give them faith, peace, and motivation for their short lives.
In Jesus' precious name,
Amen.
Ellen, Blessing God to you and us
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Color of Pomegranates / Sayat Nova (English subtitles). Part 1/7.
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COLOR of POMEGRANATES / Sayat Nova "Steeped in religious iconography, The Color of Pomegranates is a deeply spiritual testament to director Sergei Parajanovs fascination with Armenian folk art and culture. It is also a controversial work, which, coupled with another of hi...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpNWe-ynp4U
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